Alternatively titled, why is everyone having fun without me?
Public Service Announcement- Writing this post makes me feel raw and slightly uncomfortable, so please be kind.
Dear Twenty Somethings,
Some people are afraid of physical things such as spiders. If it makes you feel better, according to Scientific American we don’t actually eat 8 spiders a year, so take comfort in that at least.
Then there are the emotional scardey-cats like me. As far back as I can remember, my biggest fear has always been the idea of being alone (second of course to clowns because DUH! Have you seen IT?)
Summers are the easiest for me and make it almost impossible to feel alone. I’m blessed with a job that constantly keeps me busy, I am surrounded by friends and co-workers that I basically live with 24/7, and there’s always a child who needs me. I live for these summers, where I can see my greatest friends from my spot in the cabin or path.
The hardest part for me is leaving this comfortable environment at the end of summer. A few days into being back home and I feel desperately alone. The summer camp safety net disappears. My friends and co-workers are far away and those children don’t need me anymore. Once I’m not constantly surrounded by people, self-doubt and fear of being alone sink in. It’s hard to describe the crippling fears and feelings that come to light once I’m back. Alone now, I question everything- who truly cared about me, where do I belong, etc- while I watch everyone move on without me. It’s a brutal feeling and I’m still seeking a way to cope with it. It’s hard for me to be open and raw with people personally so, for now, I’ll do it for the whole internet to see