Alternative title — To All the Boys I’ve
Loved Crushed On Before
Public Service Announcement
If you haven’t seen the Netflix Original To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (or read the books), you’re missing out. Also, names have been omitted to protect the innocent (or mostly myself).
Dear Twenty Somethings,
I have two secret guilty pleasures: “coming-of-age” romance movies and crushing on cute guys. I never really thought about these guilty pleasures until I was in the midst of the new Netflix movie To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. The movie chronicles Lara Jean Song Covey who writes five secret love letters to her crushes and SPOILER ALERT…
someone sends them to the boys she has crushes on, forcing her to confront her feelings (although instead, she gets one of them to pretend to be her boyfriend…but, that’s not really relevant to this post).
Besides being sweet, the movie is nothing short of nostalgic and will bring back memories of what it felt like to have someone give you butterflies, the angst of crushing on someone wondering if they’re crushing on you and the utter embarrassment you tried to avoid if they found out. Watching the movie, Lara Jean reminded me of myself and my inner 16-year-old who has a tendency to develop crushes (for fun of course) and it had me reflecting on some of the crushes I’ve developed. So in a dash of insanity, combined by several months of lacking writing inspiration, I thought it would be fun to write “letters” to crushes I’ve had. They won’t get
Watching the movie, Lara Jean reminded me of myself and my inner 16-year-old who has a tendency to develop crushes (for fun of course) and it had me reflecting on some of the crushes I’ve developed. So in a dash of insanity, combined by several months of lacking writing inspiration, I thought it would be fun to write “letters” to crushes I’ve had. They won’t get mailed out like Lara Jean’s, and these boys probably will never read this (thank god? I don’t know, depends on the level of embarrassment), but definitely were fun to write.
To the First Crush,
Soundtrack – Crush by Mandy Moore
Well… first non-celebrity/sports player crush… Feels like just yesterday someone told me that you teased me because you liked me. As an adult looking back now, that’s problematic as h*ck to tell little girls that, but back then I believed it. Remember how you chased me around the playground, teasing me about my short, fluffy hair and the way I ran? How about when your friends dared you to kiss my cheek behind Ms. H’s portable? Childhoods are crazy times.
We were probably only eight or nine years old, but I thought that your sparkling brown eyes were wonderous and so big that they could hold the whole world (to be fair, the world is small at eight). If I close my eyes tightly, I can still remember the sting of your mean words and the cool, sweet sensation of your apologies behind the portables before you told your friends I gave you cooties. At the time, it was devastating (the whole “world ending” feeling thing that happens when you’re eight) but looking back, definitely barely ranks on the worst heartbreaks. Hope you’re out there somewhere and that someone still thinks that your eyes hold the whole world.
To the One that Got Away,
You know I hate cliches and overrated inspirational quotes, but when it came to you, the old “people come into your life when you least expect it” adage. We had some of the same friends, lived very close together in a small town and probably met in passing. For some reason, nothing clicked until that day. You know that day, right? I can still remember the clean scent of my favourite Colts sweater (#Manning5ever) and the taste of peanut butter that I definitely had just eaten straight out of the jar. I’m pretty sure I looked like a hot mess but for some reason, you said I was pretty.
It was weeks before you asked me out. Only a week before that I had proclaimed, as dramatically as ever, that I was done with relationships and boys (catchphrase of my single life). I was officially “over boys” until before I knew it, I was the girl baking cookies for a boy that she spent an inordinate amount of time with and thinking that this could be the storybook romance that you only heard about in country songs and cheesy romantic comedies. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have got my hopes up. I was graduating soon and moving four hours away but my naive heart was forever daydreaming that we could make it work. God knows we tried, but in the end, there’s a reason why those romances are only heard about in songs, fairy tales and movies.
So here we are. I check up on you sometimes and you look happy, which in the end makes me happy. Though sometimes I wonder if I ever cross your mind. Maybe you’re even reading this now (if you are, I can say with 100% certainty that you’ve already caught any grammar errors and in that case, I’m still rolling my eyes at you). Annoyingly, I think you’ll forever have a piece of me and there’s probably so much more I would write in an actual letter to you. Sometimes, however, the best things are left unsaid.
To the Office Crush,
I’m really wary of writing this one because of, well… public forums and the age of cautiously avoided offended someone or making them feel uncomfortable (which is a good thing, don’t get me wrong) and whatnot, but here we are. If this is about you, maybe don’t let on. Unless I’m secretly your office crush (doubt it) and if that’s the case, it’s all gucci. Office crushes are the most fun and least serious to have. I thoroughly recommend everyone has one in their lifetime. That was definitely the case here – daydreaming to pass the time and keep yourself occupied, nothing as intense as other types of crushes. In short, just a fun, lighthearted thing.
I’m not sure what it was about you that first drew me in. You see, you’re not the usual office crush type. Don’t get me wrong, you’re all kinds of cute, tall with a great sense of humour, but office crushes are people you see around the water cooler or guys you catch eyes with from across the room as you pretend to shyly look away. But you – we don’t see each other that often, so imagine my surprise when I started wondering about you. Not in the creepy stalker way but more in the daydream about seeing you long enough to strike a conversation so you are aware of my sparkling personality, stunning good looks and spectacular sense of humour. On rare occasions when we did get to interact, I thought I felt a little spark between us and something about you made me want to get to know you more.
When the opportunity presented itself, I may have failed miserably. Didn’t help that I looked like a hot, sweaty mess or that I was stressed out and overtired from work. Definitely didn’t help that I had butterflies for the first time I was ten, or that I psyched myself up for something that probably wasn’t going to happen. Still, that little spark still existed and I wanted to see if it was my overworked brain was imagining things. Thus, the office crush conundrum faced by many came up – how to subtly make a move on someone without making anyone feel uncomfortable. So, with a little courage brought on by lack of sleep and a possible sugar high, I dropped the subtle hint of hanging outside of work… to crickets and instant regret/mortification/ohgodwhy. Guess it really was my overworked brain that thought there was something. But still, it was fun living every day hoping to run into you and imagining the possibilities. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality. Is this letter a last-shot not-so-subtle hint? Only you can be the judge 😉
To the Summer Crush,
First, let me say, I’m glad that we kept our friendship never discussing this summer. Not like it ever was a secret that I had a crush on you. I’m sure 90% of the people reading this know who you are, but we never talk about it anymore which is ace. Everything happens so much faster in the summer – the connections you build, the feelings you feel and the speed at which days pass. That’s how everything felt when we met – a fast, instant connection that left me feeling dazed under the hot summer sun. Now, I know that it’s just part of the charm you weave on people, and what I felt probably really was genuine friendship, but I digress. Most of me knew it was a one-sided infatuation, but that night when you held my hands and looked deep into my eyes before saying goodnight remained burned in my memory for weeks after. The feelings felt mutual then but were it? I guess we’ll never know. A few of those moments were peppered throughout a summer that went too fast. The shorter the days got, the more I knew that nothing would ever happen. Over the years I still held on to the crush a bit, but now it’s faded feelings of loving friendship and I’m grateful to have had experienced that in my lifetime.
To Zac Efron,
Move over Alexandra Daddario. Sure, she’s gorgeous but did you know I was nominated to princess court in pre-school? Not to brag, but I’ve also been told (mostly by my grandma) that I’m a great catch. Serious question for you – how can we re-write the stars, say you were made to be mine? I loved you pre-High School Musical when you were on Summerland, the only character on the show who managed to be hotter than Jesse McCartney. Swoooon. How can we forget your heartwrenching performance in Charlie St.Cloud, or your sexy, mysterious and muscular performance in The Lucky One? Swoon. Second serious question – how can I become the Lucky One. Is it wrong to want a sexy, muscular man to sweep me off my feet while The Rock wipes tears from his misty eyes, calling us the most beautiful couple of all time? People might think I’m crazy, but I’m going to date you someday. Peter Kavinsky said that he and Lara Jean were never going to happen, and look how that ended up. You, Zac, are my Peter Kavinsky
So there you have it.
Lara Jean got her man. Will I get mine? Tune in to find out…
PS. Got any good crush stories or letters you would want to send? Feel free to leave them in the comments 🙂